How Is It Done?
by Cke1st
Summary: Hiccup and Astrid's wedding is happening very soon, but there are some important details about married life that no one will tell them about, and they're getting very nervous about it. This is my first attempt at writing something romantic. Rated T for subject matter; the language is all K. Hicstrid.
1. Chapter 1

**How Is It Done? Chapter 1**

"Astrid, it's out of the question and you know it," her mother snapped. "Viking girls are supposed to marry between the ages of twelve and fifteen; it's tradition. You're fourteen, and it's time to accept your responsibilities as a growing young woman. You owe it to the village! You've accepted Hiccup's proposal, we've made the arrangements with Stoick, and the date is settled. If you try to delay it, people will wonder what's wrong with you."

"Mama, I feel like I hardly know him," Astrid replied. "I feel like I hardly even know myself! I've just started living, I've just started fighting, I've just started learning how to be a woman, and now I suddenly have to wear the keys and have babies? I don't even know how!"

"Good thing," her mother said. Then her manner softened. "Astrid, Hiccup is a wonderful young man. He's the hero of the village, he's kind, he's clever, he's the son of the chief... you couldn't do better. Some girls have their marriages arranged for them; most of them have to settle for whoever chooses them. You're one of the lucky few who get to marry for love. Don't you know how happy this will make your father and me?"

"I'm glad _my_ happiness is so high on your list of priorities," she retorted. "I just don't feel like I'm ready. I don't know anything about babies, or husbands, or... or anything like that. I barely even know how to cook!"

"You'll learn," her mother said. "I had to learn cooking at first, but look at your father now; I'm not starving him. You'll learn all those things. That's part of the joy of marriage – you learn together."

"But what about the babies, and... that other stuff? How am I supposed to learn that?"

Mrs. Hofferson turned red and faced away from her daughter, hoping that Astrid wouldn't see. "Uhhh... you'll learn that from your husband. Somehow they seem to know those things already."

Astrid couldn't accept that. Hiccup had many virtues, but that kind of common sense was probably not one of them. She stepped out of the house; she had to clear her mind, and a walk in the cold night air sometimes helped.

Husbands... babies... how did that stuff work? She hated to admit it, but she was a little bit afraid. Astrid, the mighty warrior maiden, the dragon trainer, afraid of something? Yes, she was afraid. That stuff was important, it was unknown, and it was very secret and mysterious. No one would give her the facts! If she didn't get some answers, she was sure to do something horribly wrong on her wedding night, and Hiccup would either laugh at her or run away screaming.

Her mother was no help at all. Her father's answer was always "Ask your mother." Her other female relatives had nothing to add to that. Who else could she talk to? It had to be someone with some experience in the world, but also someone who would be willing to talk to her and then keep her mouth shut about it. It wouldn't be good if word got out that Astrid, the mighty warrior maiden, was asking questions like that. Had she looked upward while she was thinking, she might have seen a black shape against the black sky, but her mind was elsewhere.

"Maybe Ruffnut will know," she thought out loud.


	2. Chapter 2

**How Is It Done? Chapter 2**

"A deal is a deal," Stoick said in his this-discussion-is-over tone. "She's a wonderful girl, we've clasped hands with the Hoffersons, I've paid the bride-price for you, the date is set, and we're not changing it. You need to accept your responsibility to the tribe. It's time, Hiccup."

"But I'm not ready!" Hiccup protested. "At least, I don't feel ready."

"She's ready," his father rumbled. "She's fourteen. You don't want people calling her an old maid, do you?" His manner softened. "Hiccup, just before I married your mother, I was nervous. But I got over it, and you will, too. It's just a case of cold feet."

"Cold feet, Dad?" Hiccup lifted up his artificial leg.

"Sorry. It's an expression," Stoick apologized. "Every man gets afraid of the unknown, just before he gets married. You're no different than anyone else. That's not a reason to postpone the wedding."

"But I have no idea what I'm supposed to do!" Hiccup objected. "Sure, I know what to say at the ceremony and all that, but what about afterwards? What about the stuff about... men, and women, and babies? Aren't you supposed to tell me about that?"

Stoick stared at his son in silence. There were a hundred things he wanted to tell Hiccup, and he couldn't get a single one of them out of his mouth. Finally, he managed to say, "You'll... figure it out together, between the two of you. That's one of the joys of marriage. You learn together."

"Thanks, Dad." To Hiccup, that wasn't much of an answer. The wedding was barely a week away, and then Astrid would expect him to be a husband and a father. He didn't have the slightest idea what that meant. If he didn't get some answers, he was sure to make some embarrassing mistake on his wedding night, and his new bride would lose all respect for him.

He needed to take a walk and clear his head. He didn't get far before two large eyes loomed up out of the darkness. "Hey, Toothless! You want to walk with me?" The Night Fury snorted and shook his head. "Okay, how about we go flying?" Toothless liked that idea a lot better. Hiccup saddled him, climbed on, and they soared into the night sky.

Flying is better than walking if you need to clear your head, he decided. There was no risk of bumping into anyone who might ask where he was going so late at night. The wind whipping past his face kept him awake, and the warmth of the dragon beneath him kept him from getting cold. Best of all, he was alone to think, and yet not alone – Toothless was a good listener. Had he looked down, he might have seen a blonde girl with metal shoulder pads walking the streets of Berk, but his mind was elsewhere.

"Is it this complicated when dragons make their eggs?" he asked Toothless. The dragon tossed his head. Hiccup needed to talk to someone who knew some answers. His father meant well, but all his great strength deserted him when it came to talking about sensitive subjects like this.

Who else could he ask? Not Snotlout, that's for sure. He probably knew the answers, but he was still sore about losing Astrid. Maybe Fishlegs? The big young man was a walking book of information, but Hiccup suspected that the boy/girl stuff might not be in his book.

"I bet Tuffnut will know," he said out loud. Toothless snorted lightly.


	3. Chapter 3

**How Is It Done? Chapter 3**

The next day, Astrid took the short walk to the Thorstons' house. She noticed Hiccup some distance behind her, headed in the same direction. "This could get awkward real fast," she said to herself.

She found the twins fighting over whose turn it was to fetch the buckets of water for the family laundry. "Ruff, can I talk to you? In private?"

Ruffnut looked at her blankly for a moment; then a malevolent grin crossed her face. "Hear that, O brother of mine? Astrid needs to talk to me. I guess you have to bring the water." She left with Astrid before Tuffnut could complain.

"Nice timing, Astrid," she smiled as they left the yard.

They walked uphill toward the sheep pastures. When no one else was close enough to overhear, Astrid began, "I've got a problem."

"I totally don't want to hear it," Ruffnut replied heatedly. "You're pretty, you're strong, you've got a dragon all to yourself, you're marrying the chief's son in a week, and you think you have a problem? What's the matter, you can't decide what color to paint your nails?"

"It's that married-in-a-week thing," Astrid confessed. She lowered her voice to a whisper, even though no one else was around. "I don't know what to do."

"They say if you feed him, polish his helmet, and don't let the kids jump on him while he's napping, that's all it takes to keep a man happy," Ruffnut answered. "I hear my mother and my aunts saying stuff like that all the time."

"But... the kids," Astrid whispered again. "The babies. How does that happen?"

Ruff started to laugh, then covered her mouth. "Oh, _that_ kind of stuff!" she exclaimed.

"Will you please keep it down!" Astrid begged her. "I don't want anybody to know that I don't know."

Ruffnut dropped her voice to a conspiratorial tone. "I don't know for sure," she began, "but I heard my aunts talking about that stuff a little. They say there's lots of kissing, and something else. I couldn't hear much of it, but it sounded gross."

"Hiccup would never do anything gross!" Astrid protested.

"What if he has to?" Ruffnut demanded. "What if that's the only way?"

"He wouldn't! He just wouldn't." The conversation trailed off awkwardly, and Ruffnut returned to her chores, leaving Astrid alone on the hill.

What if there wasn't another way? What if he had to... she refused to even imagine what that could be. Hiccup was too kind, too nice to do... what? And if he did, how was she supposed to respond?

"WILL SOMEBODY PLEASE TELL ME WHAT I HAVE TO DO?" she screamed. A couple of sheep looked at her curiously, then went back to their grazing. No one else noticed.


	4. Chapter 4

**How Is It Done? Chapter 4**

The next day, Hiccup took the short walk to the Thorstons' house. He noticed Astrid some distance ahead of him, headed in the same direction. "This could get awkward real fast," he said to himself.

He found Tuffnut grumbling over having to fetch the buckets of water for the family laundry. "Tuff, can I talk to you? In private?"

Tuffnut looked at him blankly for a moment; then a malevolent grin crossed his face. "Mom? The chief's son needs to talk to me. I guess Ruffnut will have to bring the water, wherever she went." He left with Hiccup before his mother could complain.

"Nice timing, Hiccup," he smiled as they left the yard.

They walked downhill toward the docks. When no one else was close enough to overhear, Hiccup began, "I've got a problem."

"I totally don't want to hear it," Tuffnut replied heatedly. "You're next in line to be the chief, you've got the best dragon in Berk, you're marrying a gorgeous girl in a week, and you think you have a problem? What's the matter, you can't decide what color belt to wear?"

"It's that married-in-a-week thing," Hiccup confessed. He lowered his voice to a whisper, even though no one else was around. "I don't know what to do."

"That's easy – I hear my uncles talk about that stuff all the time," Tuff replied. "Don't track mud into the house, act like you're listening whenever she talks, and don't burp at the table. That's all it takes to keep a wife happy."

"But... the wife and husband stuff," Hiccup whispered again. "The babies. How does that happen?"

Tuff started to laugh. "Oh, _that_ kind of stuff!" he exclaimed.

"Will you please keep it down!" Hiccup begged him. "If people find out I don't know that stuff, they'd think I'm a loser or something."

Tuffnut dropped his voice to a conspiratorial tone. "You came to the right man for the answers. I was up in the sheep pastures a couple of years ago, and I saw these two sheep, and..." He whispered in Hiccup's ear. Hiccup's eyes went wide; then he pulled away with a revolted look.

"Tuffnut, that's gross!" he sputtered.

"I'm just telling you what I saw," the other youth protested.

"That can't be right! What if somebody marries your sister and does that to her?"

"Over my dead body!" Tuffnut snarled, his hand on his belt knife, as though the unfortunate brother-in-law was just around the corner.

"Then maybe it would be best if you're wrong," Hiccup said hopefully.

"I am never wrong," Tuff retorted. The conversation trailed off awkwardly; Tuffnut returned to his chores.

What if Tuff was right? He couldn't imagine treating Astrid that way. For all her courage and toughness, she was still a girl, and a very nice one. Tuff had to be wrong! Didn't he? If he was wrong, then what was the right answer?

"WILL SOMEBODY PLEASE TELL ME WHAT I HAVE TO DO?" he screamed. A couple of sailors looked at him curiously, then went back to mending their nets. No one else noticed.


	5. Chapter 5

**How Is It Done? Chapter 5**

The big day came. Most Viking weddings were small affairs, but not this one. It wasn't every day that two of Berk's heroes got married, especially when one of them was the chief's only son. The entire village was decorated in flowers and cloth streamers. The wedding itself would take place in the dragon training ring, so everyone in the village could watch and listen.

Astrid's family fussed over the bride's appearance for over an hour. They undid her usual short four-way braid and re-plaited it in a longer three-way, and in place of her leather headband, they wove her a crown of wildflowers. In spite of their best efforts, her bangs still fell across her left eye. She reluctantly let them apply some makeup, but not much. Her dress, of course, was pure white. She wasn't used to wearing a dress that fell to her ankles, and had to practice walking in it.

Hiccup's preparations were a lot simpler; that's how it is with brides and grooms. He had some brand-new clothing to wear, of course, and he tried to trim his hair to make it look better. His main concern was oiling his metal leg so it wouldn't squeak when he walked.

The ceremony took place at sunrise, and it was simple and short. Hiccup and Astrid followed Stoick into the ring, with Fishlegs and Ruffnut right behind them, and their family members and other close friends bringing up the rear. Toothless and Stormfly watched from the sides of the ring as the couple stood before the chief and recited their vows of faithfulness. Astrid extended her hand; Hiccup reached out and took it; Stoick laid his hands on their shoulders and pronounced a blessing on them (they both winced at the "many strong sons" part); and it was done. Hiccup and Astrid were officially husband and wife. The whole village cheered. Bride and groom smiled bravely at each other, trying to hide the fact that they were both scared to death.

The reception took place in the Great Hall, and it went on all day. The food was served in course after course; there were speeches, toasts, blessings, songs, some music and dancing, and an unending stream of well-wishers from the town who wanted to shake Hiccup's hand, kiss Astrid on the cheek, and express their hope for a long and happy life together, with many strong sons. After a few hours, the newlyweds would look at each other and mouth the words "many strong sons" when each well-wisher got to that part of his blessing. It was getting hard for them to keep a straight face. Fortunately, the guests assumed that their smiles were due to newlywed joy.

As the sun dipped into the sea, the reception was still going strong. But it was time for the happy couple to retire to their bridal chamber. Ruffnut, Tuffnut, Fishlegs, and Snotlout appointed themselves the official escorts, and half-led, half-pushed Hiccup and Astrid toward their new house. Ruffnut leaned over and whispered something in Astrid's ear; Astrid punched her in the arm. Tuffnut whispered something in Hiccup's ear; Hiccup pushed him away with a disgusted look.

They reached the front door. Bride and groom stepped across the threshold together, then turned back to face their friends. "Uhhh, good night," Hiccup offered.

"Have fun, boys and girls!" said Tuffnut with a malicious grin.

"We'll check on you in the morning!" added Ruffnut with a matching grin. Astrid waved and closed the door, and they looked around them.

The house was not large, but it was well-furnished, thanks to the generosity of the village. A central fire pit provided warmth and light; there were chairs, a small table, chests of drawers for clothing and storage, and a bed large enough for two. They stepped toward it nervously, sat down on it, and looked at each other in silence for about a minute.

Then they both said, at the same time, "Now what?" That did it. They both began to giggle, and couldn't stop. All their fears, and all the stresses of the day, came out in gales of hysterical laughter that neither of them could control. Just when one of them was beginning to calm down, he or she would look at the other and break up all over again. They finally stopped only when they were completely out of breath.

They sat up again, and Hiccup took Astrid's hand. He looked in her eyes earnestly, then hung his head and quietly said, "I really don't know what to do."

"You don't?" she asked anxiously.

"I've never been married before," he confessed with a wry grin. "Do you know what to do?"

"I thought you were supposed to teach me," she admitted.

"Oh, come on!" he protested. "Three hundred years, and we're the first Viking couple who don't know how to be married." They sat in dismayed silence for a few seconds. Then Astrid heard something at the front door.

She quietly crept to the door and flung it open. Ruffnut and Tuffnut tumbled in; they must have been leaning against the door as they listened. Astrid grabbed one of Ruff's braids with one hand, a handful of Tuff's hair with the other, and yanked them both to their feet. They winced in pain.

"Ohhh, I am hurt! I am very much hurt!" Tuffnut exclaimed as he tried to pry Astrid's hand away.

"What are you guys waiting for, anyway?" Ruffnut demanded.

"A little privacy, for starters," Hiccup answered, with a touch of anger. "Would you mind, you know, getting lost?"

"No problem," Tuff grinned. "It'll be Fishlegs and Snotlout's turn in a while. Then we'll be back when you least expect it!"

"I wouldn't if I were you," Astrid growled, "unless you want to eat your boots. I can arrange that." She released their hair, put a hand on each of their shoulders, and shoved them out of the house. She slammed the door, a lot harder than she needed to.

"This isn't going to work," Hiccup sighed.

"And they're going to check on us in the morning, too," she lamented. "What are we going to do?"

"We're out of here," Hiccup decided firmly. "We've got two fast dragons in the back yard. This wedding night is a bust anyway; at least we can save our dignity."

"Where are we going?" Astrid asked. She was already putting a coat over her wedding dress.

"Anywhere. Nowhere. It doesn't matter, as long as it isn't here," he said over his shoulder. "We'll grab a couple of those baskets of food they left for us, and we'll disappear until we're good and ready to deal with everybody. On our terms, not theirs."

They used the back door, and reached their dragons without anyone noticing them. But the moment they took off, their presence was betrayed by a terrible clatter from behind them.

"Hey!" Astrid protested. "Who tied all those metal food-storage cans to the tails of our dragons?"


	6. Chapter 6

**How Is It Done? Chapter 6**

They landed in a pasture, quickly cut away the cans with Hiccup's belt knife, and took off again. If anyone on the ground noticed the clatter, they couldn't tell from up in the air.

"What do we do now?" Astrid called to her new husband.

"I'll race you to Raven Point!" he shouted back. "I'll give you a five-second head start to make it fair."

"Go, Stormfly! Go!" Astrid urged her Nadder, and the dragon flapped hard and surged ahead. Hiccup counted to five, then said, "Catch her, Toothless!" The Night Fury quickly overtook the blue dragon, then eased up. They whipped through the night sky, side by side, as their riders whooped and urged them on.

Without warning, Toothless turned hard to the right and dove toward the ground. Stormfly followed him. "Hey! Where are you going?" both riders exclaimed. They landed together, dismounted, and looked around them in the moonlit darkness.

Hiccup was the first to recognize where they were. "It's the grotto! The place where I met Toothless! You met him here, too."

"What a perfect place to get away from everybody," Astrid nodded with a smile. "No one but us knows about it. It's our special place."

Hiccup stroked his dragon's head. "Great idea, bud! Thanks." Toothless let out a contented rumble.

Astrid joined him as they stood by their dragons. "That ride was fun," she admitted. "Somehow, I got the idea that, once we were married, we couldn't have fun any more."

"I hear you," he agreed. "All that talk about responsibility, and adulthood, and owing it to the village, and –" She joined in and they both said, "many strong sons!" They broke up laughing again. The dragons joined in, even though they didn't understand what was funny.

When they stopped, Astrid looked around them. "We're really alone, just the two of us," she said. "Listen! There's not a sound except us, our dragons breathing, the ripples in the water, and a few crickets chirping."

"And a humming sound," Hiccup added. He cupped a hand to his ear. "It's coming from right... over... here. A beehive! The bees will be sleepy at night. Would you like some honey, my beautiful bride?"

"I haven't had fresh honey in... oh, be careful!" she begged. "I don't want to have to take you back to the village with bee stings on our wedding night."

"Not a problem, my lady," he smiled. "Long ago, I learned the hard way that there actually is an easy way. Just... like... this." He pulled out a piece of waxy honeycomb, flicked two sleepy bees off of it, and offered it to Astrid. She stuck her finger into it, and licked the sticky liquid off with obvious enjoyment. Hiccup did the same. They offered some to their dragons, but neither of them showed much interest.

Suddenly, Astrid began laughing again. "You just had an interesting thought," Hiccup commented.

"Just look at us, Hiccup!" She held up the honeycomb, then gestured to the moonlit sky. "We're on our honey-moon!" He joined her in a gentle laugh; then they returned to the honeycomb. With much slurping and sucking, they drained every drop from it.

"We're so adult and dignified," Astrid commented.

"We're the best-dressed honey-slurpers on the island," Hiccup agreed. Astrid was licking her fingers when he suddenly leaned forward and took both her hands in his.

"Astrid, even though we're married, can we still be friends? I mean, I know we have to grow up, and be responsible, and the many strong you-know-whats, and all that. But can we still slurp honey, and race our dragons, and laugh ourselves silly together? I think we've had more fun together today than... I don't know, probably since we were kids. I want to hang onto that."

She shifted so she was sitting next to him, and wrapped one arm around his waist. "Nobody told us we couldn't," she smiled.

"Nobody told us much of anything," he nodded ruefully.

"I got a little advice, but it wasn't very good," she said. "Ruff said –"

"You asked Ruffnut for advice about... us?" Hiccup stared, then smiled. "Hey, was that about a week ago, when I was walking behind you?"

"Yes, it was... wait a minute!" she answered. "Did _you_ ask _Tuffnut_ for advice?"

"Probably the same questions, at the same time," he chuckled.

"And the same bad answers," she grinned. "Except the kissing part; that might be true."

"We're supposed to kiss?" Hiccup hadn't even considered that possibility.

"She said that's part of it."

"Then maybe we ought to, you know, practice a little. To make sure we're doing that part right." They practiced. Hiccup paused to catch his breath, and took a long look at his new bride. With her large, shining eyes, her blonde hair, and her white dress, she seemed almost luminous.

"My lady, you are a vision in the moonlight," he sighed. She felt her face getting warm, but couldn't bring herself to turn away. Normally, she would have hated to be the focus of such attention, but tonight, with him, it didn't bother her so much. They practiced some more. "You taste like honey," she whispered.

The night was still, the ground was soft and mossy, and the moonlight worked its magic on the young lovers, as it so often does. It took them half the night, but they finally figured it all out.

...


	7. Chapter 7

**How Is It Done? Chapter 7**

Afterward, as they lay drowsily in each other's arms, Hiccup kissed her on the forehead. "All this, and friends too," he murmured.

"I will give you those strong sons, Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III," she whispered back. "And if they aren't so strong, then they'll be like you, and that will be good, too."

"How about some beautiful daughters, while we're at it?" he asked softly.

"Deal," she agreed sleepily.

When they awoke the next morning, they found themselves surrounded. Their dragons had lay down on either side of them during the night, to help keep their people warm. Toothless seemed very pleased with the whole situation; he was almost purring as he looked back and forth from Hiccup to Astrid.

"I'm glad you approve, bud." Hiccup turned and gazed happily at his new wife beside him. "I don't know about you, but I'm glad Ruffnut and Tuffnut were wrong."

"Mmmm," Astrid nodded contentedly, rolling over so she could rest her head on his shoulder. "What happens next?"

"We ought to get home before our friends start looking for us," Hiccup answered, brushing her hair out of her face with a finger. "They'll search with their dragons, and if they see Toothless and Stormfly here, not only will they bother us, they'll also find out where our special place is."

"What will we tell everyone when we get home? They'll wonder where we went, and what we..."

Hiccup gently tipped her head up so he could kiss her lightly. "We'll tell them we did it our way. We're going to do this whole marriage our way. We won't meet anyone's expectations except our own. That's what happens when nobody gives us guidance, right? We'll become responsible adults, and we'll do our duty to the village, and we'll also slurp our honey and race our dragons. And we'll teach our strong sons and our beautiful daughters to do the same thing."

She kissed him back happily. "You still taste like honey," she smiled.

THE END


End file.
